An Update

A lot of friends and family have asked how we are doing. Better. We are doing better. I couldn’t have said that a couple of weeks ago. I feel like just in the last couple of weeks we have finally started really coming out of hiding. 

October was tough. We decided in late September to go to a friend’s wedding in Colorado. At the time, we weren’t in a good place to want to be around a lot of people yet but we thought we might be in a better place later and regret not going to the wedding. I realized at the wedding we weren’t really there yet – to put on a happy face when you are so sad inside…it’s just hard. To make matters worse I had unexpected bleeding while there. If anyone going through a similar situation has found their way here looking for answers, I will be frank and tell you it is totally possible to go through a “mini miscarriage” (that’s what they referred to it online) two months later. Basically, it’s just leftover stuff from the main event. Not so much fun. It really drained all my energy.

To add to that experience, when I returned from CO, I had a follow-up appointment that introduced me to a totally new feeling regarding the miscarriage: guilt. I had never felt that until the doctor told me I might have an autoimmune disorder and that could have been what ended my pregnancy. After some testing, it turns out I don’t have any autoimmune issues and the minor issue I am having is being treated. But, for that week when I was waiting to find out the test results I felt incredible guilt and hopelessness. Had I unknowing put my child in harm’s way? I felt like I had. 

The real focus of this post is to tell you about the positive things that last post brought. I have had so many messages sent to me thanking me – friends and strangers – for sharing our story. I never expected sharing our story would have an impact/effect on anyone. Because this is a topic that society generally frowns upon on sharing, people have commented how they never fully understood the process a woman goes through during this type of loss but they were grateful because the post kind of opened their eyes more. I should first say that every experience is different for every woman and their partner/spouse. Everyone’s bodies respond differently depending on what stage they were at in their pregnancy. And everyone handles grief in different ways. A lot of people we know have pulled us aside or sent messages sharing they have gone through this similar experience but could never express how they were feeling and by us sharing our story, it help bring them closure. 

I don’t know that I would consider this experience our testimony but God definitely wrote it on my heart to share my story and now I see why. I will always treasure Georgia's ultrasound photos and the photo of my little baby bump. I wish now that I had taken video of the ultrasound. It is getting easier to see friends' and their bumps that are due around the same time I was. Still hard though. 

Just wanted to thank everyone for their heartfelt prayers and support – you have no idea how much they have help!